Stupid Love Game

There is once, a boy who was given a much freedom by the God,
but because that freedom, he is very confused of his life, he don't know where he should go..
he always put on a cheerful face, a fake smile face that to make sure no one know what he's hiding behind that "fake smile" because he don't want other people to worry about him.
He is so lovely that he want to love other people with all his got.

Once, he fall in love with a girl that asked he out.
but the girls seems like him in a wrong way, everyday, he was left with scar hearted just to protect his relationship with her. One day, when he was about to join an event that is rare on his life,
he forget that he have a date with his girlfriends. He beg his girlfriend to go out on another day, and the girl agree. But, actually the girl not really sincerely give him a permission, and after the boy at the event place, the girl text him and angry at him. the boy was so frustrated that he cancel to join the event, and was very furious at his girlfriend. He go to his girlfriend house and scold her while crying,
tears drop upon his cheek, but there was no response of her girlfriend. Finally, the boy just give up and go out with his girlfriend. the boy just try to have a BIG HEART.

Day by day past, and eventually, because the girl always hurt the boy, the boy finally don't have any single feeling the girl, they break up..

Now the boy started to find those feeling he lost,
and once again, he tried and tried and tried ..

until then, he fell in love with a girl who was very kind and beautiful,
but.. his love never been paid back. he felt so miserable that life is nothing at all,
he lost his life.. (half-dead i mean)
he lost a good relationship with that kind hearted girl,
because he try to make her his girlfriend, but the girl rejected,
month by month past by, and now the boy learned that he don't need to ask for a "loving back"
all he needs is that he love someone with all his heart.
that's the true love he learned.
although it hurts sometimes, he still stick on his ideology.
up until now, he never serious about his own relationship.
how ? when he try so hard, not give up, he just wasting all his time.
when he hopes high, he disappointment even higher.
when he is serious, all things around him just became a joke, a "hopeless situation".

all he plays all this times was a STUPID LOVE GAME..

and now, he really afraid of falling in love again, because he thinks that everything was once better when he don't falling in love,
he don't want to break a good relationship with the people he likes,
the girl he loves.
but..
deep inside his small heart..
he knows that he always want to love someone, want to have someone to be happy and sad with, to share his own feeling..
maybe he is always in love with a wrong people..

all right,
that's all.
if you are smart, you can guess who is this boy right ? ;)

I LOST MY LIFE

now, i had lost my life,
I really don't know where I should go where i should do anymore..
I'm very confused with my current situation now,
i don't even know what I'm doing right now..
everyday seems meaningless to me,
why ?
i don't know why this happened to me..
everyday i feel lonely.

I really wish that someone will come to reach me from this darkness,
pull me out..
I can't think straight anymore..
I had enough fooling around..
please..
no more..

God..

A LOT

is to much ~
i really can't take it anymore,
but my heart is still crying calling for your name..
i am so pathetic,
I'm still not good for anyone !!
so many thing i wanna share,
yet i forgot all of them..

i miss you,
i need you..
every night my heart is bleeding,
thinking of you..
but you know what?
you'll never how much i felt .
because ..
my feeling still not reach for you.

sorry if i am a pain in the but for your life,
is not that i want to bother you..
it just..
i just can't take all this feeling alone to myself..

i am so PATHETIC..

Funny ?

Come to think about,
I was once pray for your health because you always get sicked (?)
when it get to 11.11 o'clock or 22.22 o'clock ..
funny I guess .. ?
hahaha
but now because that little habit of mine it just become another reminder you to me,
lol
hope i won't look at the watch or my phone clock when it comes to 11.11 and 22.22,
hahaha XD
maybe this habit will disappear soon enough ~ ( Hope So )

nice day ~ :D

Future

I Promise I'll fight for my future,
my life, my love, my friendship, my everything
I won't just sit down and do nothing,
I'm sure my bright future is waiting for me !

fiuh ~
for my love ?
its kinda hard though ~
finding someone liking each other, it just ... hard.
for this, I don't a reason to complain about,
I'll do everything on my own way~
thats my life !!

Sudahlah ..

Uda mau Tahun 2012,
Tahun Naga berikutnya, Tahun kelinci yang berseberangan ama ayam udah mau habis..
bagaimana dengan nasib hidupku ?

will it be better ?
so many obstacles i have been through this year .
get rejected, left by someone precious, being hurt, lost friends, many more..
i hope everything will be better next year !
no matter what, i must go on !

napa yahh @@
skrg bawaannya lagi sedih banget
sakit betul rasanya dada ini, sesak, hampa..
mata ini rasanya selalu basah, padahal tidak menangis

sedih rasanya kayak dipermainkan ama perasaan diri sendiri aja..

how can i be more foolish than now ?

God, tell me which way should i go,
carve your path to me so You can guide me in the right ways..
May The God always bless us ..

SCAR

I scratches to many painful wounds that ended scar on my heart..
will i be able to forget about it ?
just hope someone can make me feel better when I'm down because of this scar ..
someone that i need to accompany my life ..
too many painful memory, i need someone ..
haih ..

many things happened, and i still have many to learn ..
as time goes by, i begin to learn more and more about love and life ..
when will i understand what is love mean ?
shall i experienced it first ?
i hope i can live my life to the fullest,
find my own HAPPINESS,
find my own TRUE LOVE,
God Bless Me !

talking about ideology,
i found myself that i have a lot of ideology that against other people ideology,
should i speak it out loud ?
I'm afraid I'll offended other people, even broke their heart.
but when the time is right,
i WILL speak it ..